Dark Skies
by Windfighter
Summary: Like any other person, Emil was afraid. Afraid of losing his friends and family, afraid of trolls, afraid of death. But as a Cleanser there are some fears you're not allowed to have.


Emil looked at the sky outside. He had been staying at Torbjörn and Siv's place since they came back from the Silent World. Onni, Tuuri and Lalli was there as well, Tuuri and Onni helping Torbjörn going through all the books, and Lalli just dazing around, avoiding Emil's cousins the best he could. Emil enjoyed spending time with his cousins, and it was nice to still have Lalli around, but it was pretty crowded in the house. Something he was used to after the months in the Silent World.  
Dark clouds were gathering in the sky and Emil looked at them, a shiver running down his back. It had been hot the last days, and Siv had been complaining about her headache. Emil leaned against the wall, looked at the tree outside instead.  
"What are you thinking about, Emil?"  
Torbjörn came up to him, looked through the window, and closed it.  
"Looks like it's going to rain today. Why are you not with your friend?"  
"...Thinking about heading back home."  
"Already? But you're doing such a good job keeping the kids occupied."  
"I'm sure Onni can deal with them again. I just..."  
Emil diverted his eyes and Torbjörn put a hand on his shoulder.  
"Feeling homesick?"  
Emil rolled his eyes, then nodded. Torbjörn let go of him.  
"Should I call and tell them to meet you at the station?"  
"Nah, I can find my way from there. And I figured if I hurry I'll be able to get there before nightfall."  
"If you say so..."  
Lalli appeared from one of the doors, pulled at Emil's arm, then looked up into the ceiling.  
"...Leaving?"  
Lalli's eyes buried into Emil's and the Swede blushed, turned away.  
"Only for a little while. I... my family probably miss me."  
Lalli looked at the floor, seemed to consider something, and Emil looked at his friend. Lalli pointed to himself.  
"Följa?"  
"Huh?" Emil looked stumped, then realised what the Finn wanted. "Oh, you want to come along? I'm... not sure that's a good idea..."  
"Nonsense", Torbjörn decided. "They'll all be staying here for a couple more weeks anyway, it'll be nice for him to see more of Sweden than our house. I don't think he's very fond of the kids either... I'll call to tell your mother to expect a guest!"  
"Ah-!" Torbjörn was away before Emil could protest. Lalli looked at his friend, tilted his head.  
"Don't want to?"  
"It's not about you Lalli, I like spending time with you. I just..." he scratched his arm, looked away. "I don't have to tell you about it."  
Lalli looked stumped and Emil regretted his words, his tone, but couldn't take them back. Instead he walked away, started packing his things. He had to leave soon. He heard Torbjörn say something to Lalli, and then the Finn was in the guestroom the four of them had occupied and settled down on his bed, looking at Emil.  
"If you're coming along you should probably pack."  
Lalli leaned down and grabbed his rifle, nodded. Emil smiled, tried to at least.  
"Right, you didn't bring anything." He put the last things in his bag. "Anyway, we should probably hurry... We don't want to get caught in the rain, do we?"  
Lalli shook his head and Emil lifted his bag, carried it outside. Lalli followed him as he made his way towards the trainstation, Emil slowly getting more and more tense as they walked.  
"Nervous?" Lalli asked after a while.  
Emil shook his head and looked at the clouds.  
"Not really, no..."  
His voice betrayed him, with the slight shiver in the tone, but Lalli didn't press the subject further. Emil breathed a sigh of relief and they continued in silence to the trainstation. The trip was uneventful and Emil glanced at the clouds above them. Östersund was just as dark as Mora had been and he hurried his steps towards his parents house. Emil and Lalli barely made it inside before Emil's mother pulled him into an embrace.  
"I missed you so much! And this is your friend Torbjörn told me about? Lalli, was it?" She attempted to pull Lalli into a hug, but the Finn pulled away. "Oh, not a hugger? I'm sorry, I didn't know. I hope you will like it here. Torbjörn said you'd be staying a couple of days."  
Lalli looked at Emil and he blonde boy laughed, patted his mother's shoulder.  
"You're talking too quickly for him, he's kinda new to Swedish."  
Admittedly, Lalli's Swedish had gotten a lot better during the month they had been living with Torbjörn and he was able to hold pretty complicated conversations already, although he usually stick to more easy sentence constructions. Emil turned to his friend.  
"How about I show you around?"  
Emil gestured into the house and Lalli nodded, followed Emil around the house.  
"...and here is my room! I'll be sleeping here in case... uh..." Emil's eyes fell on the second bed in his bedroom. "Mooooom, why is the spare bed in here? We have a guestroom!"  
"I figured you'd like to share room with your friend, dear. Was I wrong?"  
"No, it's just..." Emil let out a sigh. "Never mind, it'll be fun!"  
"Is it because your..."  
"MOM NO!" Emil blushed, then turned to Lalli. "Sorry, Lalli, I don't mean anything. I'll be glad to share room with you, if you don't mind."  
Lalli shook his head and the two boys went into the room, put their belongings away. Emil settled down on his bed, looked through the window, noticed that the sky had turned almost black and looked away again.  
"It... it's gonna be nice with some rain, don't you think, Lalli?"  
Lalli tilted his head. They rarely talked about weather and Emil fiddled with his shirt.  
"I mean... because it's been so dry this summer..."  
Lalli settled down beside Emil, patted his head and said something in Finnish that Emil still hadn't learned. Emil forced a smile.  
"Sorry, you wanna get something to eat? I'm sure there's something in the kitchen. And then it's almost time for bed, isn't it? I mean... not like you usually sleep during the night, but... you know."  
He still fiddled with his shirt, noticed it and quickly put his hands under his thighs to stop them for fiddling. He smiled.  
"Sorry Lalli, I'm behaving a bit silly right now."  
He got up, gestured for Lalli to follow him out to the kitchen and then left the room. Lalli looked through the window, at the clouds, then closed his eyes and quietly started praying.  
"Lalli, I'll eat without you if you don't come!"  
Emil's voice reached through the Västerström residence and Lalli's eyes snapped open again and he followed his friend. A small ray of sun shone through the window.

"Looks like we'll get some thunder tonight", Emil's mother said as she pulled the curtains down in Emil's room. "Are you going to be alright in here?"  
Emil blushed, looked away.  
"I'm 19 years old mom, I can prepare for bed myself."  
"I'm sure you can", she answered, kissed him on the forehead and pulled his cover over him. "Do you want me to..."  
"Mom, no!" Emil's blush increased. "We will be just fine in here."  
"Alright dear. You know where I'm sleeping otherwise." She ruffled his hair. "I've pulled out all the plugs, so if you want some light you know where the candles are."  
"Yes mom, in the kitchen, third drawer. I remember." He smiled at her. "Don't worry mom, we're big boys, we can care for ourselves."  
"I know you can." She gave him a quick hug and offered Lalli one as well, but the Finn refused. "Sleep well now."  
"We will."  
She took the candle and left the room. Emil pulled the cover a bit higher, almost burying himself under it. He heard Lalli moving around in the bed, then a quiet thump as the other decided to sleep under the bed instead. Emil smiled.  
"Hyvää yötä, Lalli."  
"God natt, Emil."  
Emil closed his eyes as the first raindrops hit the window. He breathed slowly, had almost fallen asleep.  
KRA KOOM.  
Emil's eyes flew open and he gripped his cover. The room was lit up and he pulled the blanket over his head, pulled his knees up. His breathing got shorter as more thunder echoed through the room. He pressed his hands over his ears to keep the sound out, then pulled them away again, just _in case_. He regretted it when he heard the next boom.  
"Emil?"  
Emil tried to pretend he was sleeping, but his short breaths betrayed him.  
"Are you okay?"  
Emil nodded. Another boom echoed through the room and he flinched, tried to stay still. He felt his eyes tearing up and hid his face in his pillow when the cover was pulled off him. Another boom and he once again pressed his hands over his ears, too late realizing that the other saw it.  
"Emil?" Lalli tried again.  
Emil felt slender fingers brush through his hair and he slowly turned his head, looked with one eye at the shadow that was his friend. Lightning, and Emil curled up, more tears escaping his eyes. The mattress swayed as Lalli settled down on it.  
"...scared?"  
Emil shook his head. Lalli pulled at him, tried to get him to uncurl, but he didn't move.  
"If we do something, it might..." Lalli went silent. "...help", he finished after a while.  
"...do what?" Emil peeked at his friend, then curled up again as another lightning flashed through the window.  
"En tiedä."  
Emil frowned at the Finnish word, tried to find the translation in his mind, but was disturbed by another flash of lightning. His breaths got shorter again, and he could once again feel Lalli's fingers in his hair. Lalli's thumb caressed his cheek, dried some of his tears and when his breathing had gotten softer again he nodded. He slowly settled up, each time a flash of lightning lit up the sky he froze, but Lalli nudged him onwards. Lalli settled down in the middle of the floor, patted on it to tell Emil to settle down as well, and the Swede did so, closed his eyes and tried to take a deep breath to calm his nerves. Lalli threw a blanket over their heads, efficiently hiding them from the world, and moved closer to Emil, their knees touching.  
Emil's body was trembling and he clenched his hands, pressed his eyes shut. He felt his cheeks get wetter and then Lalli's thumb, again, drying them off. The mage's tranquility was the only thing keeping Emil from curling up in a corner of the room.  
"T... talk to me..."  
Emil clenched his hands harder, heard Lalli draw a deep breath as he prepared to fulfill Emil's wish.  
"You can... you can talk in Finnish... If you want..."  
Lalli nodded, got a little closer to Emil, and then started talking. Emil couldn't understand most words, but tried to understand the story anyway. Focusing on Lalli's voice made the sound of thunder slowly disappear from his mind, and his breathing got slower, normal. His hands started relaxing and he opened his eyes, looked at the shadow of his friend. Lalli looked up from the floor, Emil could see his shoulders perking up and understood his friend had just told him something that made him sad. Emil reached out to pull his fingers through Lalli's hair, to let the other know he was there even though he hadn't understood the story.  
KRA KOOM!  
Emil flinched, jumped forward, grabbed his arms around Lalli and buried his face in the other's chest. His body trembled again, his hands clenched onto Lalli's shirt and Lalli fell to his back, pulled Emil down with him. Emil curled up next to Lalli, pressed himself as close to him as possible and Lalli tried to pull away, tried to get away from the sudden touch he had not anticipated. Emil tried to force himself to let go, but his body wouldn't listen, and he felt Lalli's shirt getting wet from his tears.  
The thunder got quieter again, but Emil still couldn't let go of Lalli. He felt the thinner man reluctantly put his arms around Emil and softly spoken Finnish words reached his ears. One of the arms released him, the blanket was pulled up again, pulled closer around him, and then thin fingers buried themselves in his hair, held him close to the other's chest. Finnish words still danced around him, occasionally he recognized a word, but mostly it was just a long sound he couldn't understand.  
Emil started relaxing. His grip of Lalli's shirt loosened up, his breathing returned to normal. The other's voice disappeared from his mind, darkness surrounded him and he felt Lalli relaxing under him as he fell asleep.

"Are you boys awake?"  
Emil slowly opened his eyes when he heard his mother's voice through the door. He yawned, his eyes closing again and then the door opened. He felt a hand at his waist and tried to move, but the hand tensed up, held him down, and he stayed put, yawned again. Sunlight flooded through the room as the curtains was pulled away.  
"Did you get any sleep tonight? And... wouldn't it have been more comfortable sleeping on the bed?"  
"Lalli doesn't..." Emil yawned again. "...doesn't like beds."  
Lalli moved under him, opened his eyes and pulled his fingers through Emil's hair.  
"Ootko nyt okei?"  
Emil nodded, opened his eyes again and pulled himself up into a sitting position.  
"Kiitos."  
"Your father is preparing breakfast, it'd be fun if you two decided to join us." She leaned down and ruffled her son's hair. "But I understand if you need some more rest. There was a _lot_ of thunder during the night. Did you manage to fall asleep before it started, Emil?"  
"Mooom, you're embarrasing me!" Emil blushed. "Stop being such a... such a mom!"  
Lalli slowly settled up, yawned and tilted his head.  
"What's going on?"  
Emil smiled, he understood those Finnish words.  
"Breakfast time! As soon as we manage to detangle ourselves from this blanket."  
Lalli nodded and pulled the blanket away from Emil. Emil's mother left the room and Emil got up, stretched, listened as Lalli got up as well and then prepared to leave. Lalli's hand grabbed around his wrist and he was pulled back. Lalli looked at the ceiling, then back at Emil.  
"Why scared of lightning?"  
"Ah...ha...ha... I'm not scared of lightning, that'd be silly. I'm a cleanser!"  
Lalli got up closer to Emil, looked into his eyes.  
"...lie."  
Emil blushed and looked away.  
"Cleansers aren't scared of lightning..."  
"But you are." Lalli looked at him. "Why?"  
"I don't..." Emil scratched his arm. "Can we not talk about this right now?"  
Lalli's eyes narrowed, but he nodded. Emil smiled, took Lalli's hand and led him to the dining room. They settled down at the table, ate breakfast in silence while listening to Emil's mother talk. After a while the phone rang, Emil's mother hurried up to answer.  
"Lalli, dear, it's for you! It's your cousin!"  
Lalli got up from the chair and hurried out to talk to Tuuri and Emil's mother got back, looked at her son, smiled.  
"Your friend is certainly something special. Very quiet though. Why don't you tell me about him?"  
"Mom", Emil blushed again, "you can ask him yourself."  
"Are you certain you trust me not to tell him about your nightmares or show him pictures of baby Emil?"  
She winked at her son and his blushing increased.  
"There's not much to tell."  
"So, what happened tonight?"  
"...nothing."  
"It didn't look like nothing, dear. Come on now, you know your mother will figure it out eventually anyway."  
"Mooom, I'm a grown man now! Can you _please_ stop treating me like an embaressed teen?"  
She ruffled his hair.  
"I will when you stop being one."  
She winked again and started putting away the dishes. Emil shook his head and went out to the lobby where the phone was and leaned against the wall, looking at Lalli as he spoke through the phone. He talked in Finnish and Emil managed to catch a couple of words, but the other talked too fast for him to be able to make anything out. Lalli looked at him, ended the phone call and Emil smiled towards his friend.  
"Want me to show you around Östersund?"  
Lalli stood still for a moment, then nodded. Emil turned around again, gestured towards his bedroom.  
"We should get dressed before we head out, the townspeople will look at us if we're out in pyjamas."  
Lalli followed him towards the bedroom and Emil looked out the window and smiled when he saw the blue sky and the fluffy white clouds. It seemed like it'd be a while before next thunderstorm.

A couple days. Emil had been spared a couple days. Nice weather, Lalli hadn't pushed the subject again and his mother had stopped embarrasing him at every chance she got. Emil started thinking about heading back to Mora with Lalli, he had said they wouldn't be gone for very long. He brushed through his hair, put the brush down and went back to the bedroom. Lalli sat on the bed, looking out through the window, and Emil followed his gaze, wrinkling his nose when he saw the sky.  
"Thunder", Lalli said and Emil nodded.  
"Yeah... but that means more rain for the farmers. I'm sure they'll be happy."  
"And you?"  
"Me? I don't care. Why should I care? Pf, it's just some rain and silly weather."  
Emil scratched at his arm again and pulled his gaze away from the sky.  
"Anyway, I was thinking maybe we should head back tomorrow, what do you say?" Lalli looked confused at his words. "To Mora. You want to go to Mora?"  
Lalli shrugged and pulled the curtains down and Emil tried again.  
"I'm sure your cousins miss you."  
"Do you want me out?" Lalli pointed out the window. "Is it because that?"  
"What? Haha, that's stupid. I like having you here, it's nice."  
He settled down on his bed, hid his legs under the cover and watched as Lalli took his own cover and crawled in under Emil's bed. Emil thought about asking the other again about sleeping in the bed instead, but decided against it. It wasn't like he would get an answer anyway. His mother opened the door, left a candle at his nightstand, told the two boys goodnight and then turned the lights off and left again.  
"...Are you sleeping?" Emil asked after a while.  
"Mrr?"  
"Could you... tell me more about Saimaa?"  
Lalli's head peeked out from under the bed, but Emil couldn't make out his friends face in the shadows.  
"Or your family, if you want to..."  
Lalli settled up, Emil could feel his eyes studying him.  
"I mean, I understand if you don't want to..."  
A finger over his lips silenced him and his mattress swayed when Lalli settled down on it. Emil settled up as well, moved as close to Lalli as he dared, but kept about half a meter between them. Lalli started talking, in Finnish. Emil listened intensly, even though he barely understood anything. Lalli stopped talking as the first flash of lightning lit up the room and Emil's hands clenched the side of the mattress.  
"Don't need to be scared."  
"...not scared..." Emil muttered between clenched teeth.  
"Why scared?"  
"I told you I'm not scared", Emil's hand scratched his arm again. "I'm used to loud sounds and sudden flashes, I'm a cleanser."  
Lalli tilted his head, got closer to Emil and Emil tried to move away, but Lalli's hand caught his chin.  
"You can tell. I won't tell."  
"I'm not..."  
"There's nothing wrong with being scared."  
Emil pulled free from Lalli's grip and looked away, but a sudden flash and loud sound made him jump. Lalli grabbed his hand, but Emil pulled away.  
"It's just some silly weather..."  
Emil sniffled. Lalli's thumb dried the tears from his cheek and the Finn settled down right next to Emil, going against his own nature.  
"Cleansers aren't scared of thunder, are they? It's in our job..."  
"Everyone's scared."  
"You're not."  
"I'm scared. Of failure. Of people dying because of me. Maybe talking will help?"  
Emil dried his own tears, shook his head. Another flash and he almost hit himself in the eye when it made him jump.  
"Emil", Lalli looked at the ceiling, then at Emil again. "Why are you scared of lightning?"  
"I'm not, okay!" Emil got out of the bed. "I'm not scared! I don't even know!" He backed towards the door, tears welling up in his eyes. "I don't know why I'm scared, just... Just drop it!"  
He turned his back to Lalli, opened the door and rushed out. He didn't think, his legs moved without him being aware. His hands tried drying the tears, but new ones replaced the old. He stumbled on the stairs outside the house, heard the door closing with a bang behind him and ducked when lightning flashed over the sky. He got up, continued running. He was certain he heard someone calling, but he didn't stop, couldn't stop, needed to be alone. Another flash, and he stumbled over his own feet, slid through the dirt.  
"EMIL!"  
Another flash. Emil heard wood shattering and turned over, stared at the tree he was lying beneath. One of the thick branches was falling and he tried to pull away, but slipped in the dirt, fell back on the ground and the branch hit him, most of the weight landing on his chest. Air was knocked out of him, he heard his ribs cracking. He lifted his head to scream, but couldn't make a sound, didn't get any air and the branch rolled, his body not being a hindrance for it, and another part of it hit his head, made it fall back towards the ground and darkness swirled over his mind, pulled him down.  
"Emil!"  
Emil fainted.

Emil opened his eyes a little, but closed them again. The bright light in the room made his head pound and instead he tried to remember what had happened. He felt his chest going up and down, but he couldn't feel himself breathing. He focused on it, focused on his body, but everything was still foggy. Something... something was clogging up his throat. He tried to lift his hand to get it out, but couldn't move it, it was tied down. He heard voices, tried to open his eyes again but decided against it when the pounding increased.  
He tried to talk. Most of the voices stopped and then he felt a hand on his arm, on his shoulder.  
"Easy. You're..." the voice trembled. "You're in bad shape..."  
Lalli. Emil tried to grab his friend's hand, but he still couldn't lift his own. Slender fingers wrapped around his hand anyway and he felt something rest against his leg.  
"I'm sorry, this is my fault."  
Emil tried to shake his head, but the movement made his head hurt, made his throat hurt and he stopped.  
"I shouldn't have... You're my friend."  
Emil squeezed the hand that held his own. He heard steps geting closer, Lalli let go of his hand, cold hands touched him, examined him and then he fell back asleep.  
It was evening when he woke up again and he slowly opened his eyes, lifted a hand to shield himself against the light and looked around to see if Lalli was there.  
"Emil, you're awake!"  
His mother appared in view and she carefully bent down to hug him. He took a sharp breath as pain shot out through his chest and she let go again, settled down next to him.  
"Where-" Emil's voice was hoarse and it hurt to talk. "Where am I?"  
"The hospital, dear. You took quite a beating."  
"L-"  
"I sent him home. He'll be back in the morning, don't worry. He's not actually allowed in here yet, but we managed to convince the doctors to let him in. 'Only family' they said, but I told them that if they could see you two together they'd understand that he's family as well, even though you don't share the same blood and they should just keep their curious noses to themselves because if they put them in the wrong water something might bite them off."  
Emil closed his eyes, felt a hand grab his.  
"I'm sorry dear, am I talking too much?" She pulled her fingers through Emil's hair. "Try to get some more rest, I'll be here the whole night."  
Emil fell asleep once more, felt like he woke up just the second after, but Lalli was there again, his hand wrapped around Emil's. Emil looked around, noticed his mother by the window and then tried to settle up, but was held down by Lalli's free hand.  
"You shouldn't move around. Your..." Lalli looked at Emil's mother and she came up to them, settled down on Emil's other side, continued what Lalli started.  
"Your lung was punctated. Most of your ribs were broken, a few of them cut through your lung. You..." She looked away, took a deep breath and then smiled at Emil again. "You ended up in a coma."  
Emil's eyes widened and she quickly continued, put a hand on his shoulder to keep him still.  
"It's nothing dangerous, it was just a couple of days, but they had to hook you up to a ventilator... That... That's why you had a tube down your throat."  
Lalli's grip around his hand tightened and Emil bit his lip, was about to say something, but his mother continued talking.  
"At least you're awake and getting better", she ruffled his hair. "You'll be staying here a few more days, then you'll get to return home! No military service for a while though."  
Emil nodded, lifted his hand to fix his hair but didn't have enough energy to do so. Instead his hand ended up on his chest and he felt something sticking out. He tried to lift his head to see what it was, but his mother quickly explained that it was a valve that had been put in to fix his lung and that it'd be removed when his lung had healed enough. Emil nodded and looked at Lalli, who looked away from him.  
"Lalli?"  
Lalli's body shook a little and he lifted his free hand, pulled it to his face and let it fall down into his lap again before turning to Emil. Emil noticed his eyes being a bit red and puffy.  
"I'm... I'm glad you're feeling better."  
Lalli kinda smiled. Emil squeezed his hand.  
"You don't have to..."  
He closed his eyes and took a breath to continue the sentence, but was interrupted by a tiny yelp from Lalli. Emil's eyes flew open again and he saw his friend struggling to get out of his mother's embrace. His mother wouldn't release the Finn, and after a while Lalli stopped struggling. Emil noticed how his body shook, and saw his mother gently caressing Lalli's back.  
"He's been very worried about you", Emil's mother explained and Emil smiled.  
"I know, I would have..." He had to pause to gather enough strenght to continue. "...have worried as well."  
"I'm sorry", Lalli muttered in Finnish. "You need me to be strong and I'm..."  
Emil didn't understand all the words, but he got what Lalli wanted to say. He tried to settle up, bit back a short scream at the pain and fell back in the bed. His mother handed him a remote and he looked at it, quickly figured it out and slowly raised the head end of the bed so he got into a half-sitting position. He lifted his hand, laid it on Lalli's back and the Finn stopped shaking, turned his head towards Emil.  
"Lalli, it's... okay."  
Emil's arm started trembling and Lalli turned around, gently grabbed it and put it back in the bed and Emil closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths even though they sent pain through his chest. He cursed internally for being so weak and then opened his eyes again. He wanted to lift his hand, dry the tears from Lalli's cheek, but he had already wasted too much energy. Lalli grabbed his hand with both his and squeezed it.  
"If I hadn't asked you..."  
Emil shook his head.  
"I'm not upset." Another pause. "Of course you wanted to know." A longer pause, Emil wanted to go back to sleep. "You're my friend. I'm the one who..."  
His didn't have enough energy to finish the sentence, his chest was burning and someone was beating his head with a sledgehammer. He closed his eyes again, squeezed Lalli's hand slightly. He felt fingers running through his hair and then his mother's voice.  
"Do you want us to leave?"  
"N-..."  
"Alright then", she kissed his forehead. "We'll be here 'til you wake up."  
Emil wasn't sure how long he had slept when he opened his eyes again, but he decided that it couldn't have been that long since the sun was still up. The pounding in his head had eased up a little and he squeezed Lalli's hand to let the Finn know he was awake. Lalli settled up with a jolt, almost got tangled up in a tube that was hooked to Emil's arm, but skillfully avoided it. Emil laughed, which quickly turned into a cough and then turned into wheezing.  
Lalli stood up, his hands pulling at Emil, as if to try and figure out how to help, and Emil lifted his hand, grabbed one of Lalli's and the Finn stopped moving, his hand returning to Emil's side, holding his friend's hand.  
"S-sorry", Emil managed between the wheezing.  
The door opened and his mother smiled at him, hurried up to his bed and put a sandwich in Lalli's lap.  
"You should eat", she said before turning to Emil. "I'm glad you're awake again. Are you..." She stopped, looked worriedly at him. "Are you alright?"  
"Yeah, I..." He swallowed, coughed again. The wheezing slowly subsided. "I'm not... fit for laughter yet."  
Lalli's grip around his hand tightened and he nodded towards his friend.  
"If mom says... eat... you should..."  
Lalli's hands slowly released him, made their ways to the sandwich and Emil looked at his mother.  
"None for... for me?"  
She smiled and shook her head.  
"Sorry, doctor's orders. No eating for you yet. Maybe in a couple of days." She ruffled his hair. "Anyway, where you boys fighting or something? That night?"  
Emil diverted his eyes.  
"Or... something... Lalli..." Emil scratched his arm and his mother grabbed his hand, placed it by his side again.  
"The lightning?"  
Emil nodded, turned back to look at her. Lalli stopped eating the sandwich, looked between Emil and Emil's mother and blushed.  
"My fault", he said. "I pressed him..."  
"Both our fault", Emil corrected. "I deserve... as much blame as Lalli."  
"No memory", Lalli said and Emil looked confused. "What caused it, no memory."  
"Oh, yes... I don't... don't know why I'm..." Emil looked away again, blushed. "scared..."  
"Emil, how many times do I have to tell you there's nothing wrong with being scared?"  
Emil tried to protest, but his mother wouldn't hear it.  
"I know what they think in the military, but you shouldn't try so hard to impress them. Look where it got you. Stuck in the hospital and worrying your best friend to death."  
Emil looked at Lalli, who smiled slightly.  
"She's exaggerating."  
"You should have come to me, I could have told you", Emil's mother winked at Lalli. "I have a lot of embarresing stories about Emil."  
"Moooom..."  
"He used to like thunder actually. I think you were six when it happened... maybe five, very close to six... You and the nanny were home alone, and I think it was after bedtime because you where in your room. That's where the fire started..."  
Lalli tilted his head. Emil looked away, bit his lower lip, but continued listening.  
"Lightning hit the ridge just above his window and the fire spread from there. The door... it was locked, the mechanism had broken or something, we never found out. Emil got caught in the fire and ended up with first degree burns over most of his body... Second degree on his arm."  
Emil scratched his arm and his mother grabbed his hand, put it down.  
"That's why he do that. Emil, I've told you you need to stop it or you'll scratch your skin off again."  
"I don't... even notice it..."  
"I know", she pulled her fingers through his hair. "Anyway, after that day you were terrified of thunder! It took years before we got you to stay in your own room during thunderstorms and even then your screams would sometimes wake us up..."  
Emil caught her eyes. They looked sad and he quickly looked away again.  
"And one day... it didn't happen. I thought you had gotten rid of your fear but... apparently you didn't. Shortly after you started in public school..."  
"Well, they... they bullied me about it, okay?" Emil blushed.  
Lalli grabbed Emil's hand and pulled at it.  
"I wouldn't!"  
"I know, but..."  
"Hard to get rid of habits", his mother explained. "You've gotten so used to having to hide it by now, haven't you?"  
Emil nodded. His mother leaned down and kissed his head.  
"You don't need to hide it around your family."  
"Or me. I'll help you!"  
"Lalli, dear, you _are_ family by now."  
"Anyway, I can help! I can... I can..."  
"Stay in Sweden?" Emil asked jokingly.  
Lalli leaned back and let go of Emil's hand and Emil looked curiously at his friend, before leaning back in the bed. He closed his eyes, not to sleep but to gather his thoughts, and heard his mother getting out of her chair and leaving the room. He didn't mean to sleep, but the memories that flooded his mind took more energy than he had to spare and sleep grabbed him again.

Emil had been home one week. He was still pretty much confined to his bed since all the broken ribs made breathing painful and made him get out of breath pretty quickly. It was getting boring fast. He scratched his chest where the valve had been. A doctor had been over a couple of days ago to take it out and the healing wound itched. Emil looked at the sleeping form of his friend on the other side of the room.  
Lalli slept a lot during the days, and was away during the nights. Lalli hadn't explained it to Emil, but Emil somehow _knew_ anyway. Lalli had gone ahead and gotten himself into the Swedish military. As a night scout. Emil scratched his arm. They hadn't had much time to talk about it, what with Lalli sleeping while Emil was awake and otherwise being away on scouting mission. And during the few times both of them actually were awake at the same time Emil insisted that they'd do something _fun_ , which most of the time quickly left him breathless and tired.  
Emil wasn't very good at being a patient. Lalli found that out pretty quickly after Emil came back home. Emil smiled. Lalli had gotten better at telling him _no_ during the week. Lalli stretched under the bed, opened his eyes and looked at Emil. Emil's smile widened and Lalli pulled himself out from under the bed and came up to Emil, fixed his hair.  
"I can do that myself you know."  
He lifted his hand, grimaced at the pain in his chest and pulled the hand through his hair.  
"See, no problem!"  
His hand fell down on the bed again and Lalli settled down on the mattress.  
"Doesn't hurt quite as much..." Emil said between short breaths. "You heading out again?"  
Lalli nodded.  
"Don't forget to eat first. And don't worry about me so much, okay?"  
Lalli got up again, forced a hand in under Emil's back and helped Emil into a sitting position. Emil turned in the bed and leaned his back against the wall, leaning forward only long enough for Lalli to force a pillow behind him. Lalli made a move as if to ruffle Emil's hair, as Emil's mother often did, but decided not to.  
"I'll go get us something to eat. Stay here."  
"I can come along, I've rested the whole day!"  
Lalli looked at him, his eyes narrow, but Emil pulled off his blanket, started shuffling forward in the bed, but Lalli's hands pressed him back against the pillow.  
"...no. I'll go get food, we can eat here."  
"Mom doesn't like us eating anywhere else than the kitchen..."  
"Mom won't mind."  
Emil blinked at his friend's choice of word, then nodded, pulled the blanket back over his legs. Lalli looked at him, then hurried through the door. Emil could hear him exchanging some words with the rest of his family and he looked at the ceiling while waiting for his friend to come back. It took about ten minutes, and then Lalli came back, balancing two plates in his hand. He settled down in the bed next to Emil, Emil winced slightly when the mattress swayed under him, and then Lalli handed him one of the plates.  
Neither of them spoke while they ate, and Emil was careful not to spill anything on himself. Lalli finished before Emil and leaned back, which made Emil try to hurry. Which ended with him choking on the food. Emil dropped the plate, coughed, then coughed again, and Lalli's hands were over him, prepared to grab him below the chest, but Emil pushed him away, his chest already extraordinary painful. He coughed a couple more times, the piece of food finally getting unstuck and Emil breathed heavily, closed his eyes.  
"...ouch..."  
He clenched his hands around the blanket, his cheeks got wet, and he felt Lalli's hand drying them.  
"Should I get something?"  
Emil shook his head.  
"No, sorry... I..." Realization struck him. "...I just spilled food on myself again, didn't I?"  
"Yeah..." Lalli chuckled. "I'll fetch you a new blanket. And shirt. Do you... think we need to change the bandages?"  
"Nah", Emil opened his eyes and looked at Lalli, who rummaged around in search for the items. "Maybe if it had been soup."  
"Good thing it wasn't."  
Lalli return, started pulling at Emil's shirt. Emil blushed, clenched his hands around the shirt.  
"I can change clothes myself, Lalli, I'm not in _such_ bad shape!"  
The door opened and Emil's mother peeked inside.  
"Are you two done in here?" Her eyes fell on Emil's shirt. "Oh, my... Don't worry, I'll fix it. Lalli, you should get going, your shift starts soon."  
Lalli nodded, backed away from Emil. Emil smiled at his friend.  
"I'll see you in the morning. Good luck out there."  
"...don't die while I'm away."  
"If the tree couldn't kill me, then a good night's sleep won't kill me either. Don't worry about me. And stay clear of trolls!"  
"I will."  
Lalli lifted his hand and gave a small wave, before leaving and Emil looked at her mother as she came up to him.  
"...it really, really hurts."  
"I can see that", she wiped his cheek. "Let's get you changed, okay? You'll feel better after."  
She pulled off his shirt, Emil noticed how careful she worked and thankfully leaned back against the wall when the shirt was off. She studied the bandages wrapped around his chest, then nodded.  
"Don't need to change them, that's good. You ready for the next phase?"  
Emil nodded and leaned forward, helped as much he could with getting the shirt on, and when that was done his mother helped him to lay down again, kissed his forehead and wrapped the blanket around him.  
"You sleep well now, okay?"  
"I will... Hyvää yötä..."  
Emil yawned and his mother ruffled his hair.  
"Good night, dear. Don't let the bed bugs bite."  
She closed the door behind her and he closed his eyes. He wasn't entirely tired, having spent most of the day in the bed, but knowing it was night time made him try to fall asleep anyway. It wasn't easy. His body was tired of staying on the back, and he tried to shift position to get it to relax, but every other position he tried was too painful. He had no idea how long he had moved around when he heard to outer door open up.  
KA POW!  
Emil settled up, screamed. Slender arms around him, pulled him into an embrace, the person holding him tense, and he buried his face in the other's chest.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't knew! They sent me home because of the storm, you didn't get hurt did you?"  
Emil shook his head. Lalli pulled his fingers through Emil's hair.  
"Emil..." Lalli took a couple calm breaths. "Emil, breathe with me. Tuuri said it could help. You can try."  
Emil felt Lalli's chest rise and fall as the other breathed in and out. Emil tried breathing along, but another flash cut through the room and he shrieked again, pulled himself closer to Lalli. Lalli's fingers slipped through his hair again, and then he started talking in Finnish. Emil tried to understand, tried to focus on Lalli's voice instead of the rumbling outside. He scratched his arm, a bit more relaxed, but still tense. Lalli started gesticulating and Emil smiled at the sight, the movements looking out of place with the other.  
Then, Emil started talking. He told Lalli about the Cleansers, about the first time he threw a grenade, about his time in school. A lot of it things Lalli had heard him talk about in the Silent World, but this time the Finn could understand it better, Emil knew that. Emil gesticulated, not as wildly as Lalli had, but enough to emphasize his words.  
Lalli's hands covered Emil's ears, pulled him to his chest. Emil hear the explosion, muffled, through Lalli's hands and trembled, and then his ears where free again and Lalli continued talking like nothing had happened. After a while Lalli fell quiet, not used to talking so much, and Emil looked at him, tilted his head. Started talking again to fill the silence. Once again Lalli's hand covered his ears, pulled him close to shield him from the light. Lalli held him longer this time, Emil barely dared to breathe. Then he was released.  
Emil tried to talk in Finnish. Slowly he worked his way through what vocabulary he had learned. Lalli didn't make a move to stop him, sometimes corrected his pronouncication, sometimes answering his questions, but mostly he just sat quietly, his mind obviously elsewhere. Emil gave up, went back to Swedish. The thunderstorm continued, every time an extra loud flash happened outside Lalli covered Emil's ears and muffled the sound. Between thunder and lightning they talked, about everything that wasn't about the storm. Not until the sunlight started slipping into the room.  
"Thanks, Lalli", Emil said, hiding a yawn behind his hand. "I wouldn't have made it without you."  
Emil's hand pressed lightly against his chest and Lalli took it, looked into Emil's eyes.  
"You're hurt."  
"I was before as well."  
"I made it worse..." Lalli looked away.  
"Lalli..." Emil's hand grabbed Lalli's chin, forced the Finn to meet his eyes. "It would have gotten several times worse than this if you _hadn't_ been here. You probably saved my life."  
Lalli's hands squeezed Emil's and Emil released his grip around his friend chin, leaned against the wall.  
"Think it's over?"  
Lalli leaned against the wall as well, nodded, and Emil slid down, leaned his head onto Lalli's shoulder. Lalli tensed up and Emil tried to say something, but only drowzy sounds came over his lips. Lalli squeezed his hand again and then he was asleep.

Emil woke to the sound of the phone ringing. He blinked, tried to move, but something leaned against his head. Something that moved. Emil tensed up, then remebered the night and relaxed, pressing his hand against his chest in an attempt to ease the pain.  
"Lalli, dear, it's for you!"  
The something next to Emil moved, the weight on his head disappeared and he was gently pushed away from the warmth he had been leaning against. He watched drowsily as Lalli made his way through the door and then disappeared through it. Emil rubbed the sleep from his eyes, slowly got out from the bed, looked around to try and figure out what time it was, but failed. He stumbled after Lalli, his mother smiling at him when he made it through the door.  
"It's midday. We didn't want to wake you up after tonight. Did you get some sleep?"  
Emil nodded, looked around. Got his bearings right and turned towards the lobby where the phone was. He leaned against the wall and looked at Lalli, who was engaged in conversation in Finnish. Emil tilted his head, tried to understand it.  
"I'm not sure it's a good idea..."  
Emil wasn't sure he wanted to know what wasn't a good idea, but he felt proud of himself for understanding the, admittedly easy, Finnish Lalli was using.  
"No really, it's not... He's still..." Lalli looked at Emil. "He's still pretty weak, he shouldn't... Alright, I'll ask."  
Emil got closer, but Lalli looked past him.  
"MOM! Can Tuuri and Onni visit us?!"  
"Mom?" Emil heard from the phone and Lalli blushed, quickly focused on the phonecall again.  
"It's... it's Emil's , I know I... Tuuri, please let me... Yes I..."  
Emil's mother showed up in the lobby, looked at Lalli.  
"They're your cousins right? Of course they can visit, dear, I can prepare the guest room incase they'll be staying."  
Lalli's blush increased thanks to something Tuuri said on the other line and he quickly answered, quickly told her they were allowed to stop by and then ended the phone call after having confirmed when they'd show up. Emil smiled towards him.  
"Interesting conversation?"  
Lalli turned towards Emil, the blush disappearing and a frown taking it's place instead. Emil noticed Lalli's eyes resting on the hand he still pressed against his chest without thinking about it. Lalli made a move towards the phone again.  
"Do I need to call a doctor?"  
Emil shook his head and gestured towards the phone.  
"So Tuuri and Onni are coming?"  
Lalli's frown deepened.  
" _Should_ I call a doctor?"  
Emil shook his head again, was about to say something, but his mother's arm wrapped around his waist and led him towards the dining room.  
"No doctor needed yet, dear, we just need him to take it easy. I've prepared some breakfast for you, you should eat a little."  
Emil settled down on a chair, Lalli placing himself on Emil's side. They ate in silence, helped clean of the table when they were done. Afterwards Emil sank down in the couch and tried his best not to sound totally out of breath. Lalli settled down on the table infront of him and Emil quickly pulled his hand down from his chest when he noticed it.  
"Okay?"  
"Yeah, don't worry. When are they coming?"  
"Tuuri said the three-train."  
Emil frowned.  
"From there or when it's arriving? Because if it were noon when we woke up..."  
"From there."  
"Oh, so they'll be here by... uh..." Emil's brain didn't work, he used to know this by heart. "Around six I think. We're going to meet them there?"  
" _I'm_ going to meet them there. _You're_ staying here."  
Emil rolled his eyes.  
"You're not my doctor. And anyway the doctor said that fresh air and excersice would do me good so I'm coming along."  
Lalli looked away, muttered something in Finnish that Emil didn't understand but had to do with him being impossible to reason with, although in much less nice words. Emil smiled at the Finn.  
"We can play some cards until it's time to leave", he noticed Lalli wasn't quite convinced. "That way I'd be able to gather myself and not die when we're walking. Deal?"  
"...Deal."  
Emil was about to get up and fetch the cards, but Lalli was quicker and soon returned with the deck. He settled down next to Emil and refused to move when Emil protested so Emil simply let out a sigh, accepted that they'd be able to look at each other's cards and then they started playing. Emil did his best not to get worked up over the games. If he got worked up, he'd run out of breath and then Lalli would probably even go as far as to tie him to the bed to prevent him from leaving. Lalli's blasé approach to the games helped Emil not take it too seriously, but the occasional time that he found himself laughing a bit too hard sent jolts of pain from his chest.  
Lalli started talking again, switching between Swedish and Finnish depending on what he was talking about. Emil caught most of the Finnish, proud that he had picked up as much as he had. He himself tried talking in Finnish, although after a while Lalli simply put a hand over his mouth to hush him. Emil smiled, focused on the game again. One hour before the train was arriving they left the house. They walked slowly, but halfway to the station Emil was out of breath, his hand pressing against the chest. Lalli took it, looked around, but Emil shook his head.  
"We... we're soon there."  
Lalli frowned, gently pushed Emil towards a bench. Emil agreed, settled down. They rested for five minutes, then argued about if they should keep going. Emil managed to convince Lalli he was well enough to walk after a couple of minutes, but the Finn held a hand around his arm as they walked. Emil smiled, scratched his arm a little, and Lalli frowned again. Eventually they came to the trainstation, a few minutes before the train was supposed to arrive, and they settled down, Emil leaned his head against Lalli's shoulder and the Finn tried to pull away, but seemed to decide that okay, he could let the Swede use him as a pillow.  
Emil closed his eyes, tried to breathe normally, and Lalli squeezed his hand. Emil scratched at his arm again.  
"...what are you thinking?"  
Emil blinked at Lalli's question, noticed what he was doing and quickly put the hand under his thigh.  
"I just wish I wasn't scared. Like you. You're out there all night, no matter what weather it is."  
"Emil..." Lalli's grip around Emil's hand hardened and he felt the Finn shake slightly. "Emil, I'm scared all the time. I'm afraid you'll get hurt, afraid you'll break again. I'm afraid you'll die!"  
Emil pulled free off Lalli's grip, hugged his arm.  
"I won't die."  
"You can't promise that."  
"Lalli, I promise you I will not die. Well, not until old age and all that jazz. Okay?"  
Lalli sniffled. Emil moved back, turned towards his friend, dried his tears. Lalli grabbed his hand, held it towards his cheek.  
"...okay."  
They sat in silence, the sound of the train arriving echoing over the station.  
"...but I'll still be afraid of losing you. Because that's what fears do." Lalli's hand caressed Emil's cheek. "And it's okay."  
"I'm not silly?"  
"You're not silly."  
Lalli let go of Emil, got up and waved to someone coming of the train. Emil stayed down, watched as Tuuri and Onni made their way to them and lifted his arms to protect himself from the hug Tuuri tried to give him. She looked stumped, but Lalli quickly explained, like Emil had already heard him do over the phone.  
"I didn't know it was that bad." Tuuri looked worriedly at Emil. "Maybe you should have just waited for us at the house..."  
"I needed some air", Emil said and got up, "but... uh..."  
Emil blushed, looked away, and Lalli finished his sentence, told Tuuri they'd have to take it slow back there. Tuuri nodded, Lalli took her bag and then the four of them made their way back to the house.

Emil looked out the window, scratched his arms. Dark clouds were gathering and he knew that by nightfall it'd be thundering out there. He let out a sigh and Torbjörn came up to him, put a hand on his shoulder.  
"What are you thinking about?"  
"...nothing."  
They had been back in Mora for a couple of day, to say goodbye to Tuuri and Onni who were returning to Finland. Lalli had decided to stay, since he had a new position in the Swedish military, but he had taken a few days off to say goodbye to his cousins. Both had left earlier during the day, but Emil and Lalli were staying an extra couple of days to start planning for the next expedition. Emil wasn't sure he wanted to go out there again, but he was one of few people who already knew what to expect from the Silent World.  
"Are you thinking about heading home?" Torbjörn's hand left Emil's shoulder as he closed the window. "Looks like a thunderstorm. We've been having a lot of those this summer."  
"Yeah", Emil nodded. "But no, I'm not heading home."  
Emil looked at Lalli, who was approaching, and smiled.  
"I don't need to."


End file.
